Breakfast Cereal Giant and Web Site Merge

Cambridge, MA (AP) At a press conference Monday morning Breakfast Cereal Giant General Mills and the Web Site Generally Awesome Dotcom announced plans to merge the two corporations. The merger of the two corporations will result in a new hybrid company that will be called "Generally Awesome Mills, Inc." and will become America’s eighth largest firm.

The new company will retain the trademarks and recipes from the General Mills corporations, but they announced plans to market certain breakfast cereals under new brands. Some key changes are in the brands of "Total" and "Special K." The "Total" brand will re-emerge as "Totally Awesome." Ad execs plan to change "Special K" to "Especially K" and will add to all the packages the semi-trade mark "[and by K we mean Awesome!]"

Explaining the unusual merger General Mills spokesman said, "Market research into demographics is showing that an increasing number of those who consume breakfast cereal are college students. We are making moves to reach this expanding market."

In addition to the "awesome" changes in brand names, Generally Awesome Mills will seek other ways to reach this target demographic. One effort is aimed at developing new brands. "Breakfast cereal ad campaigns in the past have been aimed primarily at small children, a fact evidenced by the proliferation of bunnies and leprechauns in marketing strategy," said current Generally Awesome Dotcom Vice President for Marketing. "We plan to shift the paradigm completely with the use of pirates and historical figures, since research has shown that college students respond particularly well to those two types of icons."

Banking on that strategy, Generally Awesome Mills will use confederate General Robert E. Lee in marketing the first new brand. G.A.M. announced today that the cereal brand will be a pun on their own name and will be called, "General Lee Awesome O’s."


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