Eminem Gives 50 Cent
for Cup of Coffee

Queens, NY (AP) Late Thursday morning local bodega owner Garcia De Los Santos announced to friends his acquisition of rapper 50 Cent. He obtained the popular Hip-Hop artist and Queens native in a deal struck with 50’s producer and mentor, Eminem.

Santos’ friends say that the 43-year-old bodega owner, an immigrant from Guatemala, told them he secured the trade for the price of one cup of coffee. Witness later confirmed the reports.

According to one eyewitness, “Eminem came into the bodega about 6 in da mo’n’. He looked mad tired and mad thirsty. He ordered a large, black coffee. When he was goin’ pay for the s#%& he realized he ain’t got no cash. I guess he wanted the coffee so bad he just gave him the only 50 cent’ he had wit’ him, which just happened to be 50 Cent.”

Eminem could not be reached for comment, but in a statement hand-written on Shady Records stationary delivered to the press Friday afternoon the rapper-producer said, “I have done a lot of dumb things in my life, but this may be the dumbest. I can believe how stupid that trade was.”

50 Cent, who was contacted in the back room of the bodega, had positive things to say about the deal. “It ain’t so bad. Now I can have as many candy bars as I want. Eminem wouldn't let me have none ‘cause he said he didn’t want me to get too many gold teeth. The other thing is I ain’t got no bedtime no more. Eminem made me go to bed at 1 am, but since Garcia is up 24/7 with his store he don’t mind me comin’ in late.”

Legal experts say Slim Shady’s chances in court are a lot better than slim. Lawsuits will likely result in the deal being revoked based on anti-price-gouging laws. Should Eminem decide to take the matter to court “precedent is on Mr. Mather’s side.”

Analysts estimate that the transfer of 50 Cent could be worth up to $79 million over 10 years. According to New York historian Shudda Hellup, “Eminem’s trade is the new worst trade in the history of New York. So bad in fact that it even beats that famous trade when Indians traded the Island of Manhattan for a bunch of beads.”