Mad Cow Disease got you worried? Well we have just the thing to ease your troubled mind, the MAD COW DISEASE SELF TEST. Stop worrying and find out if you have caught the human equivalent to Mad Cow/BSE, variant Creutzfeldt Jacobs Disease (vCJD)! Test yourself from the privacy and comfort of your own home. Don’t wait for your brain to waste away, CALL TODAY!
The Test Kit includes the following:
1. Power Drill w/ 1” Bit included
2. Long Handled Desert Spoon
3. One Specimen Cup labeled w/ the Center for Disease Control address & paid postage.
4. One 3”x5” card printed with the following instructions:
Step One: Make sure drill is well charged and bit well secured.
Step Two: Place drill bit in center of your forehead and commence drilling.
Step Three: Once you have created an opening through the skull to the brain place desert spoon into the brain.
Step Four: Move spoon around in the frontal lobe of the brain to for 3 to 5 minutes to ensure that you get a good sample.
Step Five: Place your sample in the postage paid Specimen Cup and seal it. Then drop the sample in the nearest mail receptacle.
Note: At this point you will no longer have to worry about whether or not you are infected with Mad Cow. In fact, you will not have to worry about anything since you have just given yourself a full-frontal lobotomy.
Step Six: Call 1-555-AWESOME for further instructions. Operators are standing by to instruct you in doing my bidding!