Rappers Plan Tour to Combat ‘Negativity’

New York, NY (AP) Wednesday afternoon plans were announced for a tour that will bring together long time rap rivals N & M, Raw Jewel and DjMX in a tour to raise money to fight the effects of negativity.

Raw Jewel was the first to speak after the announcement became official. “There ain’t nutt’un mo’ negative out there in this bizniz today than negativity, kno’m sayin’.”

At the press conference DjMX said “Yo, if there’s one thing that’s go’n’ bring down this rap game, it’s negativity. We’s tryn’a think of the keeds. I mean, its tuff gro’in’ up in a negative environment.”

When asked about what negativity meant to him N & M responded, “You know, negativity is those bad things that happen out there. Like, when someone gets in a fight, someone pulls out a gun, bus’in’ caps, doing thangs he shou’n’t be doin’, like da drugs that makes kids all violent and s*#%. And there ain’t no place for dat in the rap game if we’s go’n’ make it.”

Spokespeople for the rappers said that money raised to combat negativity will be spent on items that will most likely increase social harmony among the feuding rap factions. With that goal in mind most of the money will be spent on “big screen TV’s, 40’s, blunts, and ho’s.”

Social anthropologist and professor of linguistics Dr. John H. Crabtree, who has studied the causes of negativity in contemporary rap culture, agrees that this methodology could prove very successful. “Violence, often referred to as negativity within the rap culture, has its root in competition for scarce resources. Scarcity leads to competition and the greater the scarcity the more intense the competition, the more intense the competition, the higher the likelihood that violence will erupt. I think Snoop Dog understood this principle well when he said, ‘It ain’t no fun, if my homies can’t have none.’ He had a grasp on the fact that if he monopolized the resources (in this case his ho) it would increase friction within the group dynamic. We are all familiar with the adage, ‘Mo’ money, mo’ problems’ but perhaps a more important adage would be ‘Mo’ ho’s, less problems.’”