Jews Demand Equal Presence in DC, Yarmulke on Capital Dome

Washington, DC Friday morning a petition was presented on Capital Hill by the Pro-Jewish Group “Jews for the Advancement of Yarmulkes –Zionists International” (JAY–ZI). The petition, which has over 100,000 signatures, calls for equal representation of Jews in our nation’s capital during the holiday season.

“We have no problem with the public commemoration of Christian holidays,” said JAY–ZI’s public relations officer. “We don’t want to take anything away from others. All we want is the chance to express our traditions, which is something that has been denied us for many years. Part of the reason we are asking for such a prominent display is to make up for years of neglected public face.”

The proposal by JAY–ZI is to place a giant yarmulke atop the capital dome. While the Christmas tree will be taken down after New Year’s, proponents of the plan are asking that the yarmulke, once in place, be left on top of the dome until the official start of Spring on March 21.

“All the legal and social implications aside, I think this proposal could have some real merits,” said Ari L. Kauffman, the head of physical facilities management for the capital dome. “The added insulation that a yarmulke of that size would provide could lead to a savings of up to 40% on Congress’ the heating bill this winter. And in financially tight times like these, we all know that every penny adds up.”

Opponents of the plan object that such a concession could open up Pandora’s box of religious representation demands.

“If we let the Jewish people put up a yarmulke then all kinds of other groups are going to want to put things up. We’ll have Satan worshippers asking for devil horns and pitch fork on the Lincoln Monument, druids asking to put strange, dark, hooded robes on the Jefferson Monument and Muslims asking for a giant prayer rug facing east on the south lawn. Those kinds of things are going to cost a lot of money, not to mention have the potential to kill the grass,” said former Senate majority leader and current Senate Lawn Care Committee Chair, Senator Trent Lott.

The group JAY–ZI was formed two years ago with the commingling of the “Zionists International” and “Jews for the Advancement of Yarmulkes.”

Generally Awesome Dotcom attempted to reach rapper Jay-Z for his comment on the similarity between his own name and that of the Jewish Group. Being unable to contact the rapper for a statement, GA asked newsroom assistant grip Jimmy Liveye for comment about Jay-Z. He made the following statement, “Dude, Jay-Z is the luckiest man around. I mean he is dating Beyonce, who is like, the hottest pop star ever!”

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