I am just going to come right out and say it. Cocaine is not used enough in the world of comedy. Now as funny as that may sound, it is true.

Before you jump to any conclusions let me clarify. I am not saying that a lot of comedians haven’t used cocaine, because a lot of comedians have used cocaine. (I mean, why do you think they called him John “Nose” Candy?) No, I’m talking about making jokes about cocaine.

There are many reasons to make jokes about cocaine. First off, it is so versatile! You can make plays on the word “coke,” since it is a shortened version of both cocaine and Coca-Cola. And there are many other clever ways to use it. Or at least a clever person could figure more ways out, I’m sure. But since I’m not all that clever I’ll just stick to what I know.

After I give you a couple samples I’m sure you’ll be hooked on the idea. So here are some great cocaine jokes. But first, a word of caution, they can be highly addictive.

“My friends and I were at a boring dinner party, so we had some coke with dinner, just for the buzz of it.”

“My girlfriend and I were at a comedy club, and it was not very funny. (It was racial insensitivity night and my girlfriend and I are an interracial couple.) But after we got a little coke in our system we were both giggling like school girls.”

“I went with a group to a dance club on Country Western/Techno Night. At first we were bored, but after a round of coke we were all hyped up. I don’t remember a thing after that, but it was a night I will won’t forget.”

“I know a guy who works in the snack shack at the zoo. I went there and he hooked me up with some free coke. Maybe I got a little too razzed, because when I woke up two days later I was in the Kookaburra cage and I was wearing lipstick, eye-shadow and a tutu. My back was really sore and the male kookaburra had and evil smile on his face.”

So in closing let me challenge all you young comedians out there, USE COCAINE! No I don’t mean put it in your bloodstream, silly. I mean put it in your routine.

by CWH