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Posted 5/18/2005


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50 Cent Changes Name to Half-Dollar ‘For the Kids’

New York, NY At a small press conference representatives of the recording artist known as 50 Cent announced that the rapper will change his name to Half-Dollar. Mr. Cent’s agent read a statement prepared by “Fiddy,” as his friends call him. The statement expressed a hope that this change would benefit “the kids.”

“Kids need to be learnin’ fractions, and s#$%, you know!” the statement said. “If I can help this by changin’ my name, then that’s cool.”

Math teachers everywhere let out a sigh of relief at the announcement. The most laborious of all subjects in school, Math can be very dry for kids.

“We are always looking for ways to make Math more fun for kids,” said one Teacher in Queens. “These city kids are always talking about Hip-Hop artists anyway, so now we have a chance of teaching fractions in a way that will hopefully be more enjoyable and more understandable for kids.”

Other teachers expressed the desire to include other word problems incorporating the sometimes-violent life of Mr. Cent.

“He was shot 9 times, after all. That is just perfect, too, because 9 is 3 squared,” said a Teacher in the Bronx. “There are numerous possibilities for word problems along those lines.”

Law-Enforcement, always skeptical of African-American males, pointed to other possible motives for the name change. One theory is that he will be able to throw off rival rap posses, who may not have gone to school to learn about fractions, and thus would not know that 50 Cents and Half-Dollar are really the same thing.

Another theory is that is may be posturing to shield his financial holdings from legal liability and tax vulnerability.

Professor of African-American studies, John H. Crabtree, also pointed out that name changing is nothing new to the world of Rap Music. “This trend traces itself as far back as Hammer dropping the ‘MC’. It continued through the time of Sean ‘Puffy’-‘P. Diddy’ Combs. Perhaps one of the most notorious name changers was the late ODB from the Wu-Tang Clan.”

Rumors have also started to fly that his next album will be “Half-Dollar: It’s the same damn thang!”

Hilarious 50 Cent Headlines

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