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Hooked on Phonics Not as Addictive as Creators Hoped

Hooked on Phonics not able to hook kids as much a thought! Santa Ana, CA-- Recent leaks from high ranking officials inside Educate, Inc, the parent company who owns the Hooked on Phonics brand, revealed that the original creators of the children’s educational product designed to help kids read has not proven itself to be as addictive as they first hoped it would become.

"Don’t get me wrong, this product was extremely effective and extremely habit forming among certain age groups," said one company researcher. "But after a certain age, kids were able to just walk away from this educational product."

'Hooked on Phonics' was designed in part as a gateway educational product, that would lead kids into the use of other more potent educational products, sources say. The idea, however, was that even though kids would become users of other products, they would not give up their use of the HOP line of products.

"We were hoping that getting kids Hooked on Phonics might be a similar proposition to getting kids hooked on cigarettes. Initially, we studied the success of Camel cigarettes and sought to duplicate it, but with a positive spin. We saw kids who starting smoking at a young age, and became lifetime users. Even though for a good number of these kids nicotine served as a gateway drug to other drugs like alcohol, glue, or more addictive /expensive drugs, cigarettes remained a big part of their life. We never achieved that kind of success," said one scientist who help pioneer the phonics program.

The leaked documents show how executives became weary of the marketing team's suggestion of accompanying the written materials with a supplemental pill. The proposed pill would contain benign, but habit forming substances to increase the overall addictiveness of the 'Hooked on Phonics' regimen. Scientists, as well as the merchandising team, were behind the move, but the legal department and upper management quashed the idea.

In a related story, Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre admitted to being the secret creators of the highly successful 'Hooked on Chronic' program. Marketed by the use of subliminal messages embedded in the music, like the album 'The Chronic' by Dre featuring Snoop Doogy Dog and the 'Up in Smoke' tour, these two stars were able to bring their 'Hooked on Chronic' project to the forefront of youth culture.

"Migratory birds carry many diseases like avian flu (bird flu) and SARS," said one Chinese health official. "We will be very glad to not see these filthy birds in our skies next spring. I can't believe you stupid Americans actually spend tax money on programs building wetlands to attract these filthy things."

Stan Winwinkstein underscores the success of the program. "I was in junior high when many of my friends bought into to this program. One nickel bag at a time, they literally bought in. They told me of how they would sneak into their parent's basement to use it. Many of them are still users to this day, still living in their parent's basement."

Dr. Dre (left) and Snoop Dogg (right) are considered the founders of
the 'Hooked on Chronic' movement of the early 1990's.

Related Story: Medical Marijuana Outlawed: Dr. Dre No Longer Able to Write Prescriptions

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