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Posted 11/26/2006


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Migratory Birds Boycott China Due to Animal Rights Violations

Video: Migratory Birds are upset at what they call "China's most deplorable act of animal rights violations yet." In China, monkeys are forced to play music for the enjoyment of high ranking communist party leaders.
Honolulu, HI-- Over the weekend the Migratory Fowl Association (MFA) announced plans to boycott China in their migration plans next spring. The boycott comes in response to recent reports regarding the poor condition of animal rights in China..

"China has taken heat in recent years about their human rights record. Now certain groups are taking their complaints one step further, questioning China's record on animal rights," said Chinese food connoisseur John H. Crabtree.

The decision to boycott was apparently made during the MFA annual winter retreat convention held this year in Borneo. At this convention video footage was shown of monkeys being forced to play musical instruments. Original intended to amuse, the video footage disgusted and enraged.

"I could not believe what I was seeing, I felt for those monkeys [in the video at right]," said one great crane, who spoke with us anonymously. "I mean, those monkeys are stuck and could not flee. It is not fair since we as birds can just fly away from a situation like that. That is unless they cage us or clip the feathers at the tip of one wing to keep us from being able to fly straight. Also, they could probably tether one leg. But, aside from those situations birds could easily flee."

The show of interspecies solidarity will take the form of a boycott. All migratory birds have decided to fly around and completely avoid Chinese airspace during the spring migration north. Birds are hoping that this will send a strong message to Beijing to clean up their animal rights record.

Chinese officials, however, do not seem threatened by the boycott, but are actually thrilled.

"Migratory birds carry many diseases like avian flu (bird flu) and SARS," said one Chinese health official. "We will be very glad to not see these filthy birds in our skies next spring. I can't believe you stupid Americans actually spend tax money on programs building wetlands to attract these filthy things."

In a related story the disturbing (yet highly entertaining) video footage of monkeys being forced to play in a band for only peanuts [shown above] has elicited strong criticism from the international community.

The owner of the traveling show that employs these monkeys fired back, defending his own actions. "What I do is no different than what you do in America. Just look at your backward, almost feudal, system of record labels. Your artists are reduced to monkeys and also forced to play for peanuts. At least my act is honest and transparent, avoiding your western hypocrisy."

Economists estimate that given unemployment levels and wage considerations, it would actually be cheaper to hire humans to play the instruments instead of buying monkeys, training them and paying handlers to poke them with sticks to keep them playing.

When approached with this information the side show owner countered, "I already tried hiring low-wage workers like children, the elderly and the developmentally disabled. You still end up needing the handlers with the sticks to keep them playing. The monkeys are still cheaper than that and are much better for the box office draw!"

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