Cannabis Colony to Hold Special Elections, Voter Turnout Expected to Be High
Carpinteria, CA-- As election season sweeps the country, a small Hemp Colony near the Oregon-California border is finding itself also unexpectedly caught up in the fever of politics. The special election to be held next week is a ballot recall measure to determine whether the Governor of the colony will be removed from office. Recently scandals have broken out over Gov. Red DeVries alleged involvement in under reporting hemp rope sales and funneling Medical Marijuana into illegal non-medical sales channels.
"Nothing has been proven in a court of law, but in the court of public opinion we all know the presumption of guilt," said Generally Awesome legal analyst John H Crabtree. "In politics especially, rumor can be perceived as truth. But in this case there is some pretty compelling evidence."
There are many colony residents who still fervently support Gov. DeVries. His critics are also equally as outspoken. All of this stress has led to increased sales at the local pharmacy, which also doubles as a dispensary for medical marijuana. The laws of the colony regarding the use of medical marijuana are a more lax than those of the state of California. Unlike California, which requires a doctor's prescription, the colony's charter is based on the principles of "being laid back and not being so uptight" and allows for the druggist to take people's word for it. Pharmacy records indicate that there has been a great deal of "self-diagnosis" recently.
Some local experts say that the increased marijuana usage is a result of the need to alleviate anxiety caused by the political tension and uncertainty. Critics point to a similar spike in self-diagnosis which coincided with a Bevis and Butthead marathon last year as evidence that some people in the town will use any excuse they can to get there hands on some weed.
The strong emotions of the situation will compel voters to hit the polls in record numbers. The high stress of the election also seems to be causing colony residents to hit the bong in record numbers. The two trends combined have led one observer to conclude that voter turnout "will be high, very high."
The colony which specializes in hemp and cannabis cultivation sells fiber as a raw material for natural hemp fabrics that are then woven into clothing and accessories like hemp sandals, hemp shoulder bags, and hemp ponchos. Out fear that “the Feds” will try and shut them down, the USDA has not been permitted to certify the claim that these hemp products are 100% organic. However, the director of production and sales insists, "dude, totally trust me. It organic, man!"
The colony's most controversial product is the marijuana plantation. The colony's charter allows for the cultivation of marijuana for use within the colony without restrictions, and allows for the sale of marijuana outside the colony only for medicinal purposes. The Governor is accused of engaging in clandestine, non-medical marijuana sales.
The colony's most symbolically important product may not seem like a big deal, but it is almost sacred to locals. The colony is home to a hemp string and rope factory where artisans use traditional hand weaving techniques to produce the various twines. The rope factory, which employs roughly 20% of the colonies population, enjoyed huge profits during the hemp necklace trend of the 1990's but now sells mainly to a company that turns the hand woven organic hemp rope into pet collars, leashes and harnesses. All members of the colony are to share in the profits equally. According to colony auditors it appears that the Governor may have sold some of the factory's excess inventory for personal gain and falsified documents to cover up the misappropriation.
Colony locals say that suspicion of illicit pot sales have circled the Gov. DeVries for years, but the rumor about the hemp factory scandal seem to have sent emotions over the top.
"Ironically, the good Governor may have hung himself with his own rope," one local quipped.
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