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John Edwards Preemptively Denies Fathering Bristol Palin's Baby

Who's Your Daddy?
Edwards denies being the father of the child.  The child this time is Bristol Palin's.
(Left) John Edwards practices keeping all suggestions that he is the father of any illegitimate children at arm's length. (Right)Bristol Palin gives a "you only wish!" look as she hears Edwards' denial that he is the father of her baby.
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Spokane, WA-- One-time Presidential hopeful and 2004 Dem VP Nominee John Edwards has publicly denied being the father of Bristol Palin's baby. Bristol is the teenage daughter of current Republican VP Nominee Sarah Palin. Edwards' denial comes despite the fact that no one has claimed that he might be the father, and despite the fact that Bristol's boyfriend Levi Johnston is claiming paternity and planning to marry Bristol.

"John Edwards has chosen to go on the offensive here and preemptively deny paternity to any and all babies with even the most remote connection to American politics," said one Edwards' staffer. Several female staffers found this offensive strategy to be very offensive, and quit.

For Edwards, the phrase, "that kid ain't mine," is not a new refrain. Despite being forced by the National Enquirer to admit to an adulterous affair with staffer Rielle Hunter, Edwards continues to deny reports that Hunter's daughter is his child.

Maury Povich attempted to get Hunter and Edwards to appear on his day-time talk show for a special political version of his on-going paternity test series. Edwards declined the request to appear on the show with Hunter.

Povich reportedly quipped, "This would have been a great story for me to cover if I were still host of 'A Current Affair.'"

Recently, however, Edwards has contacted the Maury Povich show to discuss the possibility of having a paternity test show featuring John Edwards and Bristol Palin.

According to some analysts, Edwards may be setting up so-called “straw men” to bolster the credibility of future denials of affairs and/or illegitimate children.

"Edwards may be thinking that if he can get enough denials out there that do turn out to be true, he can restore some of the credibility he lost during the Hunter affair," said Political/Paternal Analyst John H. Crabtree.

On a related note, close personal friends indicate that John Edwards' favorite song is (and has been for years) Michael Jackson's Billy Jean. This claim is bolstered by neighbors who report seeing John Edwards jogging around repeatedly singing the chorus "She's just a girl who claims that I am the one / But the kid is not my son."

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