To Cement Maverick Status McCain Tries Out for Dallas Mavericks
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(Left) John McCain seeks to attract young, urban voters and open a new front against rival Barrack Obama.
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Dallas, TX-- As election day draws near GOP Presidential Candidate John McCain's campaign has announced plans to try out for a spot on the Dallas NBA franchise basketball Mavericks. The move is designed to make inroads with voters of both parties by ending debate about the issue of whether or not McCain is a maverick.
"Barrack Obama is always saying that he has been called worse things on the basketball court. By also entering the basketball world McCain sees a huge opening to greatly step up his attacks," said Political Thinker John H Crabtree.
Political analysts see McCain and Dirk Nowitzki as good potential teammates given the Republican party's recent successful history of partnering with German speaking strong men, ala California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.
McCain is not relying solely on his NBA experiment to prove that he really is a maverick. Other extreme measures include watching the film Maverick, starring Mel Gibson, Jody Foster and James Garner, when he rides the straight-talk express or flies on his jet. Insiders report that he secretly recites lines from the move in his bathroom mirror every morning.
"I swear I heard him through the bathroom door saying 'Well, he doesn't eat much, but he's a regular jackass, and hee-haw, hee-haw, he hawlways likes to be called Arthur,'" said one staffer who watched the 1994 film regularly as young teen, who spoke on conditioning of anonymity fearing the repercussions of admitting that level of familiarity with an old Mel Gibson film.
McCain briefly considered going for the most literal definition of a maverick by forsaking a home for life on the open range. By definition “a maverick is an unbranded range animal, especially a motherless calf.” McCain campaign executives were heartened to learn that the Senator from Arizona has no tattoos, brands, or marking scars of any kind. They were shocked and surprised, however, to learn that the mother of the 72 year-old candidate is alive and well. Political analysts theorize that it was this set back that prompted McCain to seek an even stronger claim to the title of Maverick.
In related news, McCain is set to release a how-to book called “Being a Maverick for Dummies.”
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